THEMES THAT YOU LIKE
Get a grip and laugh a bit
Just a collection of things I found amusing. Hopefully it will make you laugh/smile! :)

gnumblr:

Reblog this with the mobile app and add your 5 most most recently used emojis

😎👬🌚✊💦

☺️😍😂😘❤️

(via lazypacific)

crunchier:

mom: so hun i was in your room

image

and i accidentally started going through your stuff

image

and i found your phone

image

it was unlocked so i went through your messages too, who’s alex? is that your boyfriend? you can totally talk to me about crushes and boys!!!

image

(via imlosingmyheart)

browngirlblues:

her-name-is-wena:

browngirlblues:

I hate it when men make unsolicited comments about a woman’s body. Like “she’s got a nice shape but she needs to tighten up her stomach”

How about you tighten up your lips and never speak again you ignorant shit.

Wow maybe you need to accept constructive criticism jesus christ.

Men telling me (or any other woman) what I need to do for them to find me sexually attractive is not constructive criticism.

(via i-can-show-you-the-world12)

"One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)

Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.

Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.

Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.

Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)

Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.

Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.

Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.

Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.

Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Love, Dad."


Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love” (via littlegirlinwaiting)

This is some great advice right here.

(via schoolmaammingler)

BEST THING I have ever read right there

(via curvalicious77)

This is awesome.

(via swingingcurves)

(Source: slambien, via i-can-show-you-the-world12)

omgitsnils:

goddamnitobama:

So last night my mum wouldn’t let me have any sweets because she said they were all for the trick or treaters so i put this mask on and went out the back door and went around to the front and said trick or treat and she didn’t recognize me and she said “since i don’t think we’ll be getting any more tonight you can the rest of this bag my daughter will have them otherwise” and then i went back in

image
i love myself

(via i-can-show-you-the-world12)